Moms have a lot on their to-do list. Adding “manage stress” sort of defeats the purpose, right? But there is good news: stress relief—the kind that changes how you live—really doesn’t require a complete life overhaul. As clinical psychologist and When Life Happens author Dr. Rachel Goldman shared on MomCast with host Demetra Ganias, sometimes it all starts with one tiny shift in the way we think. “The growth mindset is: I don’t know what it’s going to look like, but I’m doing my best,” says Dr. Goldman.
From quieting negative self-talk to embracing body acceptance to reaching those long-term goals, here are seven mindset shifts that can help you feel a little lighter this season and heading into Fall. Read our excerpt below and listen to the entire interview by downloading MomCast today.
- Small Tweaks Beat All-Or-Nothing Changes
We often think wellness has to be all-or-nothing. Dr. Goldman says that mindset can get us stuck. Instead, start by asking yourself a much simpler question: “What’s one tiny little tweak I can make today?”
- Your Thoughts Aren’t Facts
We’ve all experienced negative thoughts. When we have an unhelpful thought, we have two choices. “We can identify it’s unhelpful and then challenge it and tweak it, make it a little more balanced, neutral, a little more positive. Or we could just be like, ‘that’s not a helpful thought,’ and let it pass,’ says Dr. Goldman.
- You Are Not Your Thoughts
Negative self-talk can feel loud and overwhelming, especially on top of the mental load of parenting, work, and everyday life. One visualization strategy Dr. Goldman suggests to free yourself from these inevitable thoughts is to imagine yourself observing them instead of letting them consume you. She says: “You can imagine you’re watching yourself on TV and like you’re having the thoughts, but you’re distancing yourself from the thought. You are not the thought.”
She also encourages tuning out unnecessary sources of pressure and comparison, which she calls “noise.”
- Avoid Saying “Should”
According to Dr. Goldman, one of the most damaging words in our vocabulary is should. She says: “I’m like, who says you should? Do you want to…?” Dr. Goldman suggests transforming “should” into “choose.” Instead of “I should go to the gym,” try “I want to go to the gym,” or “I choose to go to the gym”
- Body Positivity Isn’t the Only Option
Believe it or not, body positivity isn’t always the answer. While it has helped challenge unrealistic beauty standards, Dr. Goldman says it sometimes promotes toxic positivity, creating another expectation that you must love your body at every second of every day. “I think it’s actually setting people up for failure and disappointment in a similar way that toxic positivity does,” says Dr. Goldman. Instead, she encourages body acceptance: “The idea that I accept my body for where it is, and for what it is.”
- Focus on Function, Not Appearance
Body neutrality can take this one step further. Instead of focusing on appearance, appreciate your body’s function. “I love my arms for being able to hug my children. I love my legs for being able to walk my son to and from school or to go out on my run,” she says.
- Remember: Bodies Are Supposed to Change
Even if we’re chasing goals for the summer, it’s important to recognize that our bodies are constantly changing–and that’s perfectly fine. The first step is accepting what you can’t control. “We’re not supposed to look like what we looked like in middle school or high school. Our bodies have changed as we go through different phases of life,” says Dr. Goldman. “The first part is acceptance. I know I’m getting older; I know my hormones are shifting.” Then, decide what you can control, whether that’s moving your body differently, prioritizing health in a new way, or simply offering yourself more grace.
One Last Question: Why?
Whether you’re changing your workout routine, trying a new skincare treatment, or considering a new cosmetic procedure, Dr. Goldman encourages asking yourself one simple question: Why? It’s easier to feel confident in our decisions when they are grounded in our own values—not outside pressure. And remember, “someone is always watching.” Especially as parents, it’s important to model healthy decision-making, self-love, and body acceptance to empower our kids.
